Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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