Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
