i just wanna soil my oats bro
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
