I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
