you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
