This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
