I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
