East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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