Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
