HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
