If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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