No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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