Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
