It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Brb crying the tears of my youth
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
