it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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