Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
