and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
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