I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
