Moan for me like Helen Keller
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
