i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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