from now on my penis is your penis
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
