I think I won the penis lottery.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
