please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Fuck appropriateness.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
