I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
