sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
Randomize
