You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
