I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
