Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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