I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
