Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
