i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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