My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
