Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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