FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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