whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
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