apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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