Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
