is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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