Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
