Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
