I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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