Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
