Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Randomize
