Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
