That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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