Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
