I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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