A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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