He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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