My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
