the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
